


Control and Experiment

by ausmac



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 23:27:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7865620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ausmac/pseuds/ausmac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An extraordinary experiment causes Obi-Wan to be sexually fixated on his Master, and they both must deal with the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It never ceases to amaze me how life continues to throw unexpected hurdles in my way, just when I believe I have it worked out.  It being everything – my life, the pattern of existence, the way of the Force.  I have always considered myself to be in control, at least as far as the important things are concerned.  It is enough to have one questioning the unexpected, the outrageous, in others.  Never in oneself. 

I am not normally considered to be unpredictable.  Yes, I question when others would wish I did not.  Yes, I follow causes that I believe are just, even when it is inconvenient.  I believe a person must follow the tenets of their heart and spirit as well as their intellect.  We are not, after all, mechanicals.  We are people and we have visions.  Sometimes we must follow those visions, wherever they lead. 

I have had my share of disappointments, especially in those I have loved.  I don’t believe anyone really understood the depths of my misery when I lost Xanatos.  I refused for so long to even consider taking on another.  But young Obi-Wan wormed himself into my affections in spite of myself.  I watched him grow into such a special human being, until I knew that the light of his spirit had compensated in some part for the darkness of Xanatos. 

To have that light, that special spirit, threatened for mere commercial gain sickened me.  In spite of that, he made me very proud.  He fought the disgusting tampering, the manipulation of his mind and body  even as I sensed his shivering misery, he continued to fight it. 

We had been sent to Spenda Prime to help arbitrate some commercial disputes between two arguing colonies with no expectation of finding ourselves in any real danger.  The Spenda are a small, emotional people prone to leaping up and down and shouting a great deal, but rarely with violence.  They are proud of their world and its lovely, cultured gardens and Obi-Wan and I had enjoyed the chance to walk the gardens in peace.  So the attack had come as a great surprise – one moment an empty pathway between two groves of trees, the next it was filled with a party of six men armed with stunners. 

We could have fought our way out still, had they fired indiscriminately.  But they understood what they fought and fired as one and we could not deflect the fire of six stunners coming from six different directions at once.  

Where I awoke looked very little like the Spenda Prime I knew.  A cave of some sort, worn out of the stone by the elements more than the hand of any living builder.  As I struggled to my feet I saw Obi-Wan lying a few feet away, still unconscious, and I was about to go to him when I found a data pad sitting on the floor near me, its red Message light blinking. 

Picking it up, I carried it across with me to where Obi-Wan lay.  The Force showed me that he was alive, unconscious, but that there was something wrong.  Sitting beside him, I flipped on the Message pad.  The words scrolled across it. 

_“Master Jinn.  You will forgive me if I do not introduce myself.  Consider me a researcher, involved in a commercial enterprise.  I had need of two special individuals for an experiment.  Your are the Control for that experiment, the untouched party.  Your apprentice is the Experiment.  I have developed an advanced form of mental manipulation – a very profitable concept, I’m sure you’ll agree.  I have tested it on a number of subjects with hopeful results, but my employers required a more positive test.  They recognised that Jedi were strong and had considerable mental strength – if I could successfully manipulate one in a way that totally went against their training, beliefs and nature, then I would have succeeded._

_So, I have planted certain directives in your assistant’s brain.  These directives are simple: when he wakes, he will find himself possessed of an overwhelming need to have sex with you.  It will consume him, blotting out every other instruction or obligation.  And to ensure that he acts on this, I have also injected him with two caps of Phenerol._

_I should mention that were you to disable him or manage to control him physically, my previous experiments have shown that the pressure of being unable to carry out his programming will eventually cause massive mental and physical breakdown.  If you did manage this, the results would also be useful – it would show me the limits of my treatment._

_I have chosen sex as the directive because it would be outside any normal framework of a Jedi Master/Padawan relationship of which I am aware.  My previous experiments included such programming as having a parent kill a child – but such things are not always acceptable as final proof, since family members often harbour grievances, even the most obviously affectionate._

_I would wish you well, but I doubt my words would mean anything to you.  Oh, by the way, the longer you force him to abstain, the worse it becomes.  But you may take some comfort from the fact that when and if you do allow it, he will recover quickly, hopefully without any side effects._

_Naturally, you are being observed."  
_

My first instinct was to fling the message pad into the wall in fury, but I restrained myself.  Putting it in my pocket, I leant over to check Obi-Wan’s condition.  As soon as I touched him, he came awake with a gasp.  And as his eyes focused on me, I could see the change.  He surged upright, grabbed my arms and – amazingly – snarled. 

Before I could try and talk some sense to him he had leapt up to his feet, pulling me with him.  With a surprising amount of strength he pushed me into the nearest wall and began tearing at my clothing.  There was very little of my familiar Padawan about that animalistic, hungry face. 

I pulled one arm free, lifted my hand and struck him across the face as hard as I could. 

That shocked him – I had never deliberately hurt him before and he blinked, held me still but shook his head as if coming awake. 

“Wha…..what is….Master?” 

“Obi-Wan – you have be tampered with.  You must maintain control.” 

He was shaking badly and I could sense the need flaring out of his brain, warping his normal calm with waves of lust.  Touching his aura was like putting a finger into some hot, slimy grasp that wanted, simply wanted…me. 

He looked up at me, gasped, and his eyes disappeared up into his head as he fell backwards in a faint.  

The Phenerol had just kicked in. 

So there I sat beside him in that gloomy dank cave waiting for him to recover again and wondering what I would do when he did. Knock him out again?  Restrain him?  Kill him?  Unlikely, impossible.  Then what – let him do what he needed to do?  Let him……. 

I considered it from all directions.  Putting it in perspective, it was only physical contact.  Intimate.  Physical.  Contact.  

And I suspected that a mere kiss, some fondling and a little foreplay would not be enough to dissipate the programming.  Oh no, I didn’t imagine our scientist friend had left it at that.  Sex would  mean sex.  Intercourse. 

Except for some experimentation in my far-distant youth, I had never been with a man. I had, in fact, rarely – been – with anyone.  My work, my duties, they had taken all of my energies and passions.  But if it had to be with and by anyone, I supposed there are worse people I could be…fucked…by than Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

Obi-Wan woke, finally, red-eyed and miserable, and pushed himself as far away from me as he could, practically crawling up the wall. I  sensed embarrassment, fear, frustration, a deep sense of confusion.  All of that, as well as the overwhelming, crushing pressure to plunge himself into me again and again until the fire was cooled and the need quenched. 

Oh, but he was in so much in pain, I didn’t believe I could bear it.  How could I sit here and do nothing?  

Before I made any decision the first order of business was to get outside and try to find assistance.  Bending, I slid my arms under Obi-Wan’s back and lifted him.  Though shorter than I, my apprentice is still a solid, hefty individual and it required more than a little Force manipulation to supplement my own strength.  Settling him over my shoulder, I walked towards the lighter part of the cave. 

In a few minutes I was outside and I stopped to look about.  Trees.  All I could see was trees.  Spenda Prime is heavily forested and I realised we could be a thousand miles from any habitation.  Any one direction being as good as another, I just started walking. 

The forest stretched around me in brown and green splendour, whispering in a mild breeze under the soft blue Spenda sky.  Sunlight fell through the high canopy in dappled patches on the ground where I walked.  It was very quiet, just the sound of my boots crunching on dead leaves and twigs, some bird sound, the occasional movement of small animals.  The peace was comforting, it allowed me to regain some of my calm and I began to sort through plans and options. 

My concerns were on two main levels.  The immediate concern was Obi-Wan’s condition.  I knew that as soon as he woke the effects of his mistreatment would return in full force.  That would have to be dealt with as it occurred.  The secondary concern was out situation – with no food, no water and no idea where we were, it could take days, even weeks, to find help.  And our attackers had said they were watching. 

Obi-Wan’s weight finally began to tire me and I set him down in the grass and stretched my back.  I am really too old to be wandering around in a forest lost and carrying the not-insignificant weight of my apprentice over one shoulder.  

I sat a couple of body lengths from him and watching him stir awake, felt the first sizzling discomfort grow to pain as he came awake with a groan. 

“Obi-Wan?” 

My voice made him jerk upright and start towards me at the pressing urge of the needs planted in his mind.  Almost as quickly he pulled himself back, pushed away until he came up against a tree trunk. 

I spoke again, calmly, willing some of that calm toward him.  “Obi-Wan, I need you to try and relax.  Do you understand?  Can you try?” 

He shook his head in brief jerks.  “Can’t…relax.  If I do….it gets out…” 

I didn’t like to think what “it” was.  “Very well, then make yourself comfortable at least.” 

I watched him unclench his jaw as he sat rigidly upright.  “Sorry Master.” He took a deep shuddering breath.  “What happened?” 

I pulled out the data pad and tossed it across to him.  “This explains it best, I think.” 

He read it slowly, then went back and read it again. When he had finished he looked up, angry and puzzled.  “This is – insane!  Who would do this?” 

I shrugged.  “Any number of a hundred criminal organizations.” 

He looked down at the note again.  “What is this – Phenerol?” 

“An extremely potent artificial aphrodisiac.  It was, I believe, originally designed as a medical treatment but its use has been widely perverted.” 

He nodded, eyes half-closed as he read his body’s condition.  “Is there any way to counteract it?” 

“Almost certainly, with medical attention.  I know very little about it, such things not being in my area of study.  But I have heard it said that one cap of Phenerol will arouse the recently dead.”  I tried not to watch Obi-Wan’s discomfort but it was fairly obvious that he was very susceptible to Phenerol.  His arousal was obvious even through the layers of his tunics and coat. 

After some moments of concentration and regulated breathing, he pulled himself gingerly to his feet.  “If you’ll excuse me for a moment.”  He turned and headed unsteadily into the undergrowth and I looked away, knowing what he needed to do, hoping it would help but guessing it would probably be transitory at best.

As I turned I caught sight of a moment out of the corner of my eye.  Continuing to turn slowly, I saw a small dark shape hovering among the branches of a nearby tree.  I gathered myself and leapt upwards, pulling my saber and slashing at the hovering remote before it could dodge away.  As I fell I twisted to land on my feet and the camera remote dropped in two smoking pieces to the forest floor. 

At the sound of the crash Obi-Wan came stumbling from the bushes, pants at his knees, his lightsaber out and lit.  When he saw there was no threat he cut the saber and pulled his clothes back on. 

I prodded the pieces with my toe.  “Obviously the means of observation mentioned.  At least we won’t be followed, though they may despatch a replacement.  We need to leave as soon as possible.” 

As I turned I saw Obi-Wan straighten and lean back against a tree.  I had never sensed such stress from my normally placid Padawan.  My natural instincts were to reach out to him, but I couldn’t do that.  Any attempts to help him would only make things worse. 

“Will you be able to…” 

He straightened abruptly, face pinched but determined.  “Yes.  Let’s go.” 

We walked far into the afternoon following the animal trails that meandered through the woods.  We’d been making good time until we reached an unexpected barrier.  As we topped a slight rise the view opened up and I stopped with a curse. 

It was a river.  I hadn’t even considered there might be a river thereabouts and I stood glaring at it in annoyance.  Obi-Wan was barely managing to walk – I couldn’t imagine him being able to swim!  His reactions were almost as strong as mine; he sat down in the grass with a thump and stared at it, his mouth open. 

“Wonderful!  What now?” 

I sighed and stepped down the bank.  “I’ll have a look and see how deep it is.”  I sat, pulled off my boots and coat and walked out into the water.  It was cool and the current thankfully not powerful and my Force sense showed me a riverbed that would bring the water, at the deepest point, up to our chests.  Turning back, I climbed up the bank and started packing up my coat and boots. 

“I believe we can walk across if we’re careful.  Try and keep your coat dry, it will be night soon and we need something dry to keep us warm.”  I didn’t bother to suggest we strip –that would have been asking a bit much of my Padawan’s control. 

Without a word he stood, removed his boots and coat and wrapped them together in a bundle.  We moved out into the water, making a slow and careful passage to the other bank.  I stayed as close as I dared, watched his unsteady progress, frustrated at not being able to help.  That would require touching.  Touching was not a good idea at that time. 

By the time we reached the other side we were both tired and thoroughly soaked.  Sunset was about an hour away and we decided to camp near the river.  I gathered the makings of a fire while Obi-Wan stripped down to his underclothes and hung his wet outer garments on broken branches to dry.  While he searched for likely looking edible plants I gathered leaves and dry grass to make bedding.  The nights were mild on Spenda Prime but I preferred something soft between me and the ground. 

Obi-Wan’s hunt for food had been unsuccessful so we ended up sitting on opposite sides of the fire, chilled and weary, as the last rays of the sun dipped below the tree line.  I watched him as he stirred the fire with a twig, very much aware of how tired and depressed he was.  Yet I needed to know his state in order to try and find some way to help him. 

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?”  I asked as I pulled the tie from my hair and ran my fingers through the wet length.  He looked up, his eyes bright and wide in the firelight. 

“Could you not do that, please?” 

I froze. “What?” 

“Your hair.  It’s – disturbing.  Doing that.” 

I stopped and pushed it back behind me.  “Very well.  But…” 

“What am I feeling now?  I’m feeling like a piece of string stretched very tight.  If I let me concentration slip I know I’ll crawl through the fire and…”  His eyes widened and I caught sight of the need lying in wait inside him.  For a moment I felt as if some predatory beast had looked out at me from Obi-Wan’s eyes – and licked its lips. 

He looked back down at the fire and twirled the stick, sending small plumes of sparks flying.  “My mind is saying, do it and my body is just aching.  I suppose it’s rather like being a spice addict or something similar.  Except I know what the consequences would be of giving into it.”  He pulled himself upright,

tossed the twig into the fire and turned without looking at me.  “I’m going to try and get some sleep, Master.  I’m very tired.” 

I watched him slump onto the makeshift bed and wrap his coat around himself.  I thought that neither of us would get much sleep that night – but I was more tired than I imagined. 

I was woken by the sudden sensation of weight on my chest.  Instinctively I pushed up but was held down by pressure along my entire body.  It was dark, with some small light provided by the remains of the fire and I looked up into Obi-Wan’s barely recognisable face. 

I was awake, but I doubted he was.  Or if he was, only that part of him that drove him to seek me.  His arms and legs were moving over me, pulling at what little clothing I was wearing, pushing my legs apart, seeking control.  If I let it happen this way his loss of self-esteem would be crippling.  Drawing on all my strength, I took hold of him and rolled over, pushing him to the ground.  He gave a yelp as his head hit the ground and I held his arms down. 

Then I deliberately kneed him in the stomach. 

He doubled up with a yell and I saw my Obi-Wan reappear as he looked up at me with a distinctly unhappy expression.  

“That hurt!” 

“Good.  It was meant to.  Are you all right?” 

“Of course I’m all right.  If you could just get your knee out of my groin I’d be perfect!” 

I had to smile.  Those were the elegantly rounded tones I was more accustomed to, even if they were heavily tinged with sarcasm. 

“If I do, can you restrain yourself?” 

“I believe so.  You’ve managed to temporarily take my mind off sex.” 

As I rolled off him and watched him sit up, rubbing various bruised spots, I knew it was still, truthfully, only a temporary release.  The moment his concentration had been released by sleep the programming had taken over.  

“Would you like to talk for a while?” 

He looked up from his self-ministration and shrugged.  “Since I seem to be awake again, I suppose so.    I did mean to ask – how did you decide to cross that river?  Why not just follow it to the ocean?” 

“A valid question.”  I stirred the fire awake again and added more wood.  Taking one of the twigs, I drew a rough circle in the dirt.  “This is the general shape of this continent.  There is a large inland sea or lake here, in the centre, with a mountain range to the east.  Most of the rivers run into this sea north to south, though a few come from the mountain flowing east to west.  I could tell by the position of the sun that the river was a north-south flow, which meant we had to cross it to keep travelling east.  The only settlements on this world are on the eastern coast of this continent, around the original starship landing site.” 

He studied my rough map.  “How far is it from here, wherever here is, to this eastern area?” 

“I’m not exactly certain, I didn’t pay much attention to the geographical aspects of this world, I was more interested in the politics.  We’ll need to get above the trees to check out the landscape, but  I would hazard a guess that it is at least a thousand miles.” 

He looked at me, astonished.  “We have to walk a thousand miles?” 

I dropped the twig back into the fire.  “Unless we come upon other habitation before then.  It may be less.” 

“And it may be more.  I can’t…”  He shivered, clutching himself around the chest.  “I cannot guarantee being sane at the end of the trip.” 

If it came to that, I knew I’d give him what he needed to survive.  I hoped it wouldn’t be necessary but the physical aspects didn’t concern me too much.  My main fear was what it would do to our relationship.  I couldn’t imagine it surviving untouched afterwards. 

We both managed to sleep undisturbed by further perambulations for the rest of the night.  When I woke the next morning the sun was well up and so was Obi-Wan.  He’d left a note on the notepad telling me he was off to do a little scouting so I decided to check out the local flora to see if I could find some likely edible plants. 

I tore one sleeve from my top tunic, along with two long thin strips from the bottom of my coat.  One strip tied the bottom of the sleeve.  Pushing both ends into holes made in the other end of the sleeve turned it into a rough shoulder bag.  After a wash and a trip to relieve myself, I began to investigate the local plant life. 

While I was searching through some likely looking greenery I had the sudden sense of being watched.  Turning slowly, I caught sight of a shape low in the bushes some ten feet away.  A pair of yellow eyes looked up at me; I sensed little intelligence but a great deal of hunger.  Then there were more and as I swung about I realised I was surrounded. 

The first creature moved out into the open and sat on its haunches to study me.  Standing, its head would have come up to my belt.  It had a short rough coat of brown and yellow striped fur covering a stocky body held up by six multi-joined flexible legs.  When it moved, it did so in something like a scuttling hop.  It looked like a cross between a wolfen and a large hairy spider. 

Its most impressive feature, however, was its head.  Large and heavily boned, it was topped by a pair of spiked ears over  yellow and black eyes.  And when it opened its substantial mouth the taste my scent, I noted a set of very large teeth. 

Slowly, I pulled out my lightsaber and began to move towards an open patch of ground.  The first spiderwolf watched me for a few seconds, then climbed to its feet and made a series of yipping howls.  Its companions moved forward through the bushes…I counted six that I could see but couldn’t be sure that more weren’t hiding somewhere.  Animals they might be, but they moved with the cunning of the pack and I didn’t much enjoy being thought of as an early lunch. 

As I reached the open ground the pack launched itself towards me.  Flipping on my saber I pivoted and ducked as two leapt for me from either side.  The low sweep cut one in half and decapitated the second.  As another two closed in I leapt up and twisted as they jumped to follow me.  They were amazingly fast, able to jump well over man height on their springy legs.  I twisted at the top of the leap, cut up the second two and landed beyond their jerking bodies. 

The last two snarled and howled and began to circle in opposite directions, ears down and jaws working as they followed my movements with fixed, glaring stares.  I back away, forcing them to move together, looking for some sort of protection at my back; a tree, a rock, something to give me one side I could leave unobserved. 

Too late, I sensed another spiderwolf behind me.  It leapt from a tree, landed on my back and sent me sprawling.  The lightsaber flew out of my hand and I rolled, trying to dislodge it.  The flexible legs were tipped by strong, gripping claws and it held onto me, trying to get its jaws around to the front of my throat.  I grabbed its head and held it off as we rolled and fought across the ground.  The other two animals began to move towards me and I knew if they reached me I was done for.  I couldn’t spare any concentration to use the Force against them and I was already being gouged and ripped by the one on my back and it wouldn’t take long for the rest of them to open me like a piece of ripe fruit. 

And something else was happening to me as well.  There was a heavy, leaden pain spreading out from the gouges the creature had made.  It obviously used some sort of poison and the pain from the wounds was growing.  I felt a pair of jaws latch onto my arm and I think I screamed. 

And then Obi-Wan was there, face a snarling mask as he threw himself out of the woods and onto the animals, slashing with his saber, pulling the two animals away from me and cutting them to ribbons.  In seconds the final three were dead. 

I watched him standing there, splashed with their blood, panting and bright eyed from the battle…then the pain of the wounds and the poison thundered into my mind.  I tried to speak and the darkness thundered into my brain in an avalanche of nothingness…..


	2. Chapter 2

The next twenty four hours passed in a blurring progression of images and sensations.  I was alternately hot and cold, sharply aware of my body one moment, lost in a fog of pain the next.  There was the touch of familiar hands soothing the gouges on my back and shoulders with cool water, wiping my face, feeding me water when I was coherent enough not to choke on it.  Part of me fought to wake, to overcome the poison but I began to drift away from the world as exhaustion and weakness dragged me down.  The great  presence of the Force waited for me and my soul wanted to go there, to explore it, to become part of it.  It was temptingly easy to drop away from my flesh and join it. 

Yet there was the nagging sense of responsibility.  Something…something called to me in desperate need.  A young, strong, familiar presence that clung to me, calling through the Force over and over, holding me back – and feeding its own strength to me, its passion, its need.  The last particularly strong, something I had never previously known.  The need flowed into me, becoming a part of me and I finally woke. 

Blurring vision gradually focused as I blinked, tired beyond exhaustion.  Looked up into Obi-Wan’s  pale, damp face.  He gave a shuddering sigh. 

“Thank the Force!  I thought I’d lost you.” 

“Never…”  I muttered through swollen lips.  “Tired.  Very tired.” 

“Sleep then.  But you have to promise to wake up.  I can’t go on alone.” 

“Promise.”  And then I slid into normal, healing sleep.

The poison would doubtless have killed a native of that world, but there was enough of chemical difference in my body to resist it, along with some help from my Padawan.  We were a damaged pair, nothing like the image of the Jedi known throughout the Galaxy.  He, fighting the imposed addiction for me that was gradually sending him insane, me a ghost of my former self, frail and sick.  

But in the giving he’d weakened himself, opened himself more to me, made himself even more vulnerable.  Somehow, in that transference of strength and will, he’d also transferred some of the Need and I felt it whispering at the back of my mind, dangerous and dark and very hungry.  A pale shade of what gibbered in his brain – but it gave me an even deeper respect for him. 

So much for my being able to hold myself apart up there on that  lofty Jedi Master pedestal, comfortable in my aesthetic discipline and detachment. 

I don’t know how long I slept but I when I woke again I felt considerably better than the previous time.  It was evening and I was lying in a soft bed of leaves and grass, wrapped in both coats, my head propped up so that I could see Obi-Wan working on the other side of the crackling fire. 

He was concentrating on something and it took me a while to realise what it was.  Apparently he’d  managed to catch and kill some sort of small animal and was preparing it.  His outer tunic was hanging on a branch beside him and his inner tunic sleeves were rolled up to the elbow.  Using a piece of flattened log as a board, he was skinning and gutting it and its blood was on his hands up to the wrist. 

Having removed the skin, he set it aside on a broad leaf next to him.  As I watched he lifted his left hand to his mouth – and licked the blood from his fingers. 

It was revolting, disgusting.  It was also the most erotic thing I’d ever seen.  A spark exploded in my stomach and rolled along my nervous system like some near-fatal electric shock and I think I made some sound.  He turned towards me, letting his hand drop and I could see the smear of blood on his lips.  I watched his tongue slip out and wipe his mouth and time slowed to a crawl. 

I sensed his intent and grabbed my self-control with both hands.  “I’m hungry.” 

He straightened, blinked and his hands shook.  Holding himself together, he turned back to the carcass.  “We will eat soon.  Be patient.” 

Patience.  An over-rated virtue.  I hadn’t said what I was hungry for.  I wasn’t even sure what it was myself anymore. 

 

While the animal cooked on a green stick over the fire, he showed me the spear he’d made, sitting beside me in the evening cool.  He’d taken a fairly straight piece of branch, cracked the end sharply, then held it in the fire till the end had burnt.  Using a stone he’d rubbed away the charcoal and ground it down to a strong, fine point. 

“I’ve never hunted and killed anything before,” he said in a mild, conversational tone as he ran one finger over the reddened point. “It was exhilarating.” 

It was the same voice he used when discussing a new poem he’d read or a particularly fine view.  An odd overlay of cultured and primitive, fascinating to observe.  We rarely ate animal flesh, didn’t need to in a civilized galaxy where alternates were available.  On less civilized worlds it was sometimes necessary but I’d never particularly enjoyed it.  But as I watched him pull the mostly-cooked animal from the fire and tear it into two, I realised that I wanted to eat that thing very much.  

My usual caution raised its head.  “There is some chance its toxic, of course, considering the slight genetic differences of this world.” 

He shrugged.  “Either way, we can’t go without food.  We either starve or die of food poisoning.” 

That was such perfect logic that I couldn’t argue with it.  He handed the stick to me and sat back down.  I pulled myself upright and was about to take a bite when I saw him begin to eat.  He held the meat in both hands and bit into it.  Warm juice ran from the meat down his chin and dripped onto his chest and he wiped his mouth with one hand, licking the juices up.  He took another mouthful, his cheeks bulging as he chewed and he wiped one greasy hand across his pants.  It was such an untypical thing to do.  He had always been so neat, but neatness was doubtless the last thing on his mind.  As it was fairly low down in my concerns at that moment… 

The sight of him eating stirred my own appetite again and I tasted his offering.  It was warm, still a little raw, but my empty stomach didn’t care about that and before I knew it was stuffing the meat into my mouth.  It felt so good, tasted so good that I managed to ignore a lifetime’s choice in the name of expediency.  It was dead already, so best to put it to good use. 

When we’d both finished he took the remains and dropped them into a hole which he filled in.  As he came back to the fire I pulled off one of the coats and handed up to him. 

“Thank you for the food – and the coat.  But you’ll need it to keep yourself warm.” 

He looked down at me, his eyes hooded, and slowly reached out to take his coat.  “Thank you, Master.”  He dropped into a crouch and put his hand to my forehead.  “The fever is gone.” 

“Yes.”  It wasn’t good, his hand touching me but I rationalised it.  He’d touched me when I was sick – what difference this touch?  Foolish old man, there was a great deal of difference. 

 I held myself still as the hand wandered down the side of my face, fingers brushing my beard.  Now would be a good time to offer an interruption, to retreat into logic, to pull away.  I opened my mouth to say something wise when the hand had slid down past my ear and behind my head.  He ran his fingers through my hair, first one hand and then the other, massaging my scalp.  It felt so good I closed my eyes and leaned back against the broad palms, loosing whatever words I’d meant to say. 

 His touch conveyed everything: love, friendship, trust, the fear of losing me, the fear of hurting me.  He cared so much about all those things that he would let himself go mad before risking harm.  What good is life if you damage what makes it worth living? 

I opened my eyes as my head rested in his hands, stared up into those watching, changeable eyes and made my final choice, the only decision I could. “Do you remember,” I began lightly, “when you were about, oh, fifteen and you caught that bad dose of Corellian Spotted Fever?  We were stuck in a high orbit over Coruscant and I was trying to get you down to the medical centre and I had to hold you to keep you warm?” 

“And I threw up all over you.” 

“Yes, that wasn’t very pleasant.  But it was part of my responsibility of care.  As your Master.  As your friend.” 

“This,” he whispered hoarsely, “isn’t a fever.” 

“No, it isn’t, but the situation is no less relevant.”  I raised one hand and cupped his chin, ran one thumb in the cleft and stroked it.  He froze, hands stilled, the dark centre of those extraordinary eyes dilating.  “It’s alright Obi-Wan.  You can let go.  Just let go.” 

He shuddered, the hands holding me twitched and  in small abrupt jerks  “No!  No, hurt you, I’ll hurt you.  Couldn’t bear it." 

I took hold of his wrists and held him still, using my training and years of experience to project my calm and affection through our link, through our touch.  “I’m a great deal more resilient than that.  You won’t hurt me.  It’s all right, Obi-Wan.” 

I felt his tightly held control loosen, like a tight spring suddenly unwinding.  He pulled himself close against me,  one arm slid around me under my arm to my back, the other rested still under me at the back of my head.  Then he moved forward, down - and  kissed me. 

I hadn’t been expecting that.  Strength, need , perhaps even violence – but intimacy, no.  I closed my eyes as his mouth locked to mine and his tongue slid through to taste the inside of my mouth. 

What did it feel like?  A revelation.  Of how a student can teach a teacher.  Of repression and need, of understanding.  Had there been no women in my life because of lack of time – or lack of interest?  Apparently the latter.  Because I very interested in Obi-Wan, at the taste of him, the heat and strength of his body as he pushed himself against me.  An exotic sensation, different and familiar all at once. 

It was his time and his need and I let him do what he needed to do, trusted in the goodness that I knew lay at the core of his being.  I lay still, looking into his face as he pulled my clothing away, gentle even then of the wounds still healing on my back.  Released at last, the Need was content to let Obi-Wan control the pace of the taking.  He lay me back down on the makeshift bed, released my head, splaying his finger through my hair.  His expression fluctuated from moment to moment, shifting from embarrassed passion to wonder and finally to an odd mixture of lust and affection. 

He’d left my coat on to cushion my skin from the rough vegetation beneath me but pushed it off my shoulders to begin an odyssey of my body with his mouth.  I believe the only spot he didn’t lick or kiss was the sole of my feet – everywhere else was touched and explored.  That exploration triggered the small piece of need that he’d inadvertently planted in my mind and my own arousal began catching up with his.  

Hands urged me to turn and I slid over onto my stomach.  He pushed the coat up and lifted me to my knees, hands and mouth stroking over my back and – 

I had to wonder where he’d learned that – how to touch another man in just the right way to trigger a higher level of arousal.  Warm flashes ran up my body and I dropped my head, blinded by the sudden passion ignited by his hands.  His fingers moved inside me, stretching, touching but I sensed his hesitation still, warring with the desire to push himself inside me.  For this part, he might need just a little help. 

Awarding myself points for control under adversity, I raised the Force and pulled him against me, stroked his penis with invisible touches – one is not, after all, a Jedi Master without picking up a certain degree of finesse.  I almost laughed at his shocked response, but the shock turned to delight and he gave in at last, sensing my humour, smiling himself as he finally sheathed himself in my body. 

It did hurt, a little.  I bit my lip, hands clenched into fists, then used more of that lifetime’s training to concentrate on relaxing the appropriate muscles.  Once relaxed, it was painless, just the sense of pressure as Obi-Wan gradually worked his way deeper inside.  I could feel his body throbbing with release as he rocked against me and he started losing control, gripping my hips savagely, groaning with each deeper thrust.  

I stopped thinking then.  When he pulled out I twisted over, ignored  the flashes of pain from my back, and wrapped my legs around him as he thrust inside again.  He arched over me, body glowing with perspiration, hardly any intelligence in his eyes.  But that was fine too, for this joining there was no need for thought, only the sex, the hard, driving body, the taste of salt on my lips from blood and sweat and the feel of his slick skin under my hands. 

He bent forward and took my head between his hands and drove into my mind the way he pushed into my body.  I was inundated by sensation, caught in a flaming swirl of heat and pleasure that intensified with each reflection.  His, mine, it didn’t matter.  Some small part of me knew I was tiring, my energy levels draining away as the gouges opened and I bled onto the coat beneath me.  Somehow the pain became part of the pleasure and it was powerful, so intense that I think I may have howled.  One hand touched my face and I bit down on it, tasting his blood and sweat.  He pulled me hard up against him, grabbed a handful of hair and jerked my head back  to take the hot skin of my throat in his mouth. 

I’ve never known such total lack of control.  It couldn’t last long, the drain was too great.  I gasped with each breath, my heart thundered, my body shook with the stress as well as Obi-Wan’s violent thrusts.  The orgasms, when they came at last, literally knocked me unconscious. 

 

I came awake to the sense of being held, wrapped in warmth and a strong pair of arms.  There was a steady heartbeat near my ear, the feel of damp skin under my cheek and a hand stroking my head.  I couldn’t recall every experiencing a  touch like that, even as a child – especially as a child.  There was affection and protection for a Jedi child, but no great physicality.  This was the touch of a lover, something I’d never known.  

Even as I knew the problems that would follow this, I let myself relax and drift back to sleep.  Tomorrow could wait.  For once I would allow myself the luxury of pleasure for its own sake.  The future would follow as it must, in its own inexorable way. 

Tomorrow has a habit of turning up eventually.  When I awoke to that tomorrow I was alone, curled up inside two robes, my back aching, as well as other parts of my anatomy.  Areas previously untouched had been well and truly touched and I winced as I pulled myself up.  As I tried to stretch some of the twists and kinks out of my back and neck I searched through the Force for Obi-Wan. 

He was nearby, down by the river and the sense of him was – unhappy.  I could sense guilt, fear, embarrassment, a whole swirl of unpleasant emotions.   The morning after a particularly traumatic night before had obviously left my Padawan with a lot of thinking to do. 

I stood, gathered up my clothing, and went down to the river to wash.  Obi-Wan was a little further up the bank, sitting on a fallen tree tossing stones into the water.  I sensed him watching me as I walked into the water and began to wash.  The water was cool and not unpleasant, though a little sharp on some of the scratches on my legs. 

I turned in the hip-deep water, gathering handfuls to clean the dirt and sweat from my skin and realised he was watching each movement of my hands.  And that each movement was sparking that need again, that apparently hadn’t been dissolved by our night together.  It seemed our scientist friend had lied.  I froze as he stood and stepped into the river, unconcerned that he was soaking his clothing.  He pushed through the water and stopped in front of me and I looked across into his bright, hungry gaze. 

“Obi-Wan…..” 

One hand, a little unsteady, rose and wiped a trickle of water from my chest.  He put his damp finger into his mouth and before I could form a coherent, logical course of denial he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me against him.  He didn’t speak, possibly couldn’t speak, not in words.  But his possessive lust spilled over the link to me in a hot rush as if I’d been doused in his fervour. 

This wasn’t good.  I raised a hand to his chest and tried to push him back.  I might as well have been shoving a small moon.  I’d been naked in his presence any number of times during our life together and had stupidly supposed that with the programming gone we could go on as before.  Never let it be said that a Jedi Master is immune from attacks of idiocy. 

Whatever tenuous control he’d managed to form had been wiped away by my appearance.  His hands ran over my back from shoulder to buttocks, stroking and squeezing, pulling me against him so that his arousal was trapped between us.  I tried to speak, to find him somewhere inside those avid blue-green eyes but he wasn’t there.  All I could sense was appetite, a hunger only I could fulfil. 

I stopped fighting him finally, putting aside the problems that the whole situation created for another day.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and he bent, slid one arm behind my knees and picked me up dripping out of the water as if I were a lightweight and a not a solid person a couple of hand spans taller than himself. 

Very shortly thereafter I was there again in that hot, extraordinary place inside myself I’d never imagined.  Not all of my own reaction could be blamed on my link with Obi-Wan.  A great deal of it came from within me, from an unsuspected animal presence, freed out of necessity, enjoyed much too much for my own peace of mind.  I found nothing repugnant in the taste of his mouth, in how his tongue curled around mine, seeking sensation.  I was drawn to a moaning peak of pleasure by his clever hands.  What instinct told him where to touch me to force such sounds from me?  He played my body like an instrument.  He drove me nearly insane with pleasure. 

When he finally entered me again it was so natural it frightened me.  The completeness I felt, as if two parts of a whole had come together – that had to be wishful thinking.  This union couldn’t be continued, was doomed by all the rules of the life we both lived  And the final hot peak of pleasure that we both gained failed to banish that cold possible future. In giving myself to save him, I might also have lost him.  

I only hoped he would forgive me.


	3. Chapter 3

I dropped off to sleep again:  when I woke he was gone and though I could sense his presence he was some good distance away.  I turned on my back, tucked my arms under my head and looked up at the forest canopy, hoping for enlightenment.  What I found was confusion.  

Confusion isn’t something I’m intimately familiar with.  It is the flaw of a disordered mind and I’ve always prided myself on my deliberation.  Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master, Warrior for the Force.  Calm, collected, dignified.  Frightened. 

A serious bout of introspective meditation was called for.  The day had turned warm and I pulled on my leggings and a single tunic before heading back down to the river bank.  To think.  And to fish.  I remembered one of my associates telling me that fishing aided thought and since it might also add to our non-existent food stocks, it seemed a perfect combination.  Using a branch as a rod, I made a line out of lengths of strong thread from my robe, a hook from the pointed part of my belt buckle and baited the hook with a fat earthworm.  I might not catch anything, but it would give my hands something to do while I thought. 

There was a large lump of sandstone that projected out over the river and I sat on the outer edge, my bare feet dangling in the air.  The sun felt good on my head and I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and let all of my emotions coalesce into a single point in my mind so that I could study them. 

Concern.  Natural enough.  I was still weak from the poison and Obi-Wan was obviously not clear of the programming. 

Embarrassment.  Again, natural enough.  I’d never been a particularly demonstrative man and this entire scenario would embarrass almost anyone. 

Guilt. 

I blinked, opened my eyes and frowned.  Guilt?  For what?  For helping my Padawan when he was in desperate need?  For being involved in a very intense sexual situation?  N…no, that wasn’t it.  For not finding a way out that avoided that sexual situation?  There had been no clear way out that didn’t lead to worse alternatives.  No, the guilt was mine well enough, but for what? 

The answer slipped out of my subconscious like a shadow hiding behind all the firmly held beliefs and part-truths.  _You walked down to the river, totally naked, in front of Obi-Wan when you knew how he’d react._

I felt sick as bile rose up into my throat.  When had I become a sadist?  And if it hadn’t been deliberate, when had I lost my mind? 

I delved deeper, set aside the delusions and false self-images until I came to the truth.  There had been no revulsion at his touch, no necessity to force myself, to hold myself still when he’d taken me – because I’d wanted it. 

Making love.  Some people called it that.  More than intercourse, more than simply putting two bodies together.  Making love, being made love to, an act of passion beyond carnality.  Love being the pertinent word. 

I – loved – Obi-Wan. 

“Oh.”  I sat upright, dropped the rod as my heart began to pound.  “No, no, no……”  

What was I thinking?  Was I thinking at all?  To fall in love with my own apprentice?  How long had that slide towards demented cupidity been going on? 

I wrapped my arms around my chest and rocked back and forth as the guilt and confusion broiled up and swamped me.  Do what you have to do, Obi-Wan, I’m here to help…..liar.  Self-deluding fool.  I groaned again and grabbed my head in both hands.  Any hope I’d had that I could salvage this situation had just vanished.  I shivered – and felt his presence near me. 

Turning my head, I saw Obi-Wan standing at the base of the rock watching me.  His face was white and his hands shook.  I knew he’d picked up on my emotions through our strengthened link.  Felt them – and misinterpreted them.  His eyes were wide and anguished.   I straightened, held out my hand, called his name.  But before I could move he turned and sprinted back for the woods. 

I couldn’t allow him to run.  I turned and I slid down the rock, rubbing skin from my feet heedlessly.  Using all of my mental training, I propelled my call along the link to him. 

“Obi-Wan!  Stop!” 

He stumbled but kept running and I ran after him but I couldn’t concentrate on the link and co-ordinate my legs at the same time and I fell.  Pain shot up from a wrenched ankle and I think I cried out.  As I rolled over the ground he swung about and staggered back to me, instinctively reacting to my pain. 

“Master…Master, I’m sorry…I’m sorry…..” 

He was beside me then, shaking with the strength of his undeserved pain and I grabbed him, held him against me until the shaking eased.  It was sinfully pleasant, the honest solid weight of his body next to mine, radiating a mixture of misery and need, each compounding the other. 

“Obi-Wan, listen to me.  Listen…”  I shook him and he steadied himself.  “This is not your fault, do you understand?  It’s mine – mine.” 

He struggled out of my grip and sat back on his heels.  “How can you say that?  I’m the one who practically raped you.  My own Master!” 

“And I’m the one, “ I said finally, honestly, “who flaunted myself in front of you like some cheap Corellian whore.  Hardly an act the Council would approve of.” 

He saw the humour in that, as I knew he would.  “Well, perhaps not, Master, I’m fairly sure they wouldn’t.  It was a touch…inflammatory.” 

“It was outrageous.  I wasn’t hurt by what you’d done, Obi-Wan – I was angry at myself.  I ask your forgiveness.” 

I must have said it wrong – I’m certain there had been nothing sexual in the statement at all.  Perhaps it was the way I held him, looked up at him, shaken out of my usual poise by that self-discovery.  Perhaps I asked him to touch me without realising it.  I don’t think I did.  The fingers that offered unspoken forgiveness did much more than that, though.  They absolutely sealed our fate. 

Do it now, said the voice of reason.  Push him away, tell him he’s reacting to something you’re projecting along this unnaturally powerful link.  Control, control…control to his experiment.  But who was the experiment here?  The only thing I knew for certain anymore was that it was becoming impossible for me to disconnect myself from his passion.  To do that would require some sort of amputation and a great deal more restraint than I seemed able to find. 

 

We stayed by the river for two more days while I recovered my strength and Obi-Wan honed his hunting skills.  I went out with him one day to watch and was amazed at how a civilized Jedi could turn his training to far more primitive endeavours.  His Force sensitivity allowed him to locate the small animals in the brush.  When he did, the years of training in patience and control let him crouch, completely still, focused on his target until he lulled it into carelessness.  Then he would pounce, unbelievably fast as he plunged his spear into its body before it could even turn to run.  I wasn’t sure I could do that, or could have done it even when young.  The educated young man I had trained wasn’t there at those moments, changed into something much more basic.  Fascinating. 

I did what I could to supplement our needs, gathering and testing various fruits, seeds, nuts and roots.  I was very careful but did once manage to let my hunger overshadow my caution.  Some small yellow berries seemed harmless to smell and skin toxicity tests so I tasted one or two.  They turned out to be the most effective laxative I’d ever encountered; I spent that day frequenting the bushes, bemoaning the lack of that most precious of civilization’s gifts, the wastewipe. 

During those times when Obi-Wan was out I turned my hand to other pursuits, dredging up memories of my hobby reading on art and craft to try and turn out some useful leather.  The small furred animals Obi-Wan caught provided the skins and I used his knife to scrape all the flesh away before letting the skins soak in the river for a day.  Not having any lime to remove the fur I had to do it laboriously, scraping and picking it until the leather was clean.  I’d found a piece of rounded wood which I’d hollowed out with my sabre into a bowl of sorts and rubbed it with fish oil to seal it.  It would hold fluids as long as they weren’t too hot, and if I didn’t mind whatever I put in tasting of fish. 

I’d sat for hours in the sun working the leather to softness and thinking.  We would need to leave the river and travel east.  Water would always be a concern since we couldn’t know the location of any water sources.  If Obi-Wan managed to kill a larger animal I could try to cure its stomach and use it as a waterbag, but I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that and doing it incorrectly could poison us both. 

By the end of the second day I’d managed to ruin one hide but learned the way of it so that the second was more successful.  The end result of my labours was a long piece of rawhide which could be used for braiding my hair.  I’d given some thought to cutting it off; out in civilization I had access to cleansing treatments but here it was becoming tangled and dirtier with each passing day.  I would have cut it had I not managed to find a root that contained a natural soap.  Crushed and trained and added to soft sand the paste made an adequate cleanser.  After a day of cutting, cleaning and tanning the leather I was smelly and dirty and I made use of my soap to wash my body and hair. 

I was trying to pull the knots out of the annoying mass when Obi-Wan returned carrying two small woodrunners and a fat ground bird strung on his spear.  He’d stopped trying to shave and his cheeks and chin were covered by a good growth of golden beard.  I was accustomed to him being clean-shaven but I was surprised to realise that I liked it.  Watching him place his catch onto some clean stones I’d set up near the fire, I felt a sudden urge to reach out and stroke the blonde moustache above his mouth – 

He caught that thought and looked sideways at me even as I cursed myself.  The mouth twitched up in a smile. 

“Don’t let me stop you.” 

I looked up at the afternoon sky.  “I think there’s a chance of rain later.” 

He laughed, a deep chuckle.  “Yes, Master, I’m sure there’s a chance of something.”

We hardly needed to talk by then, when we were close.  It didn’t come across as words since neither of us were true telepaths.  So accustomed were we to each other than the feelings transmitted through the link were transformed to language.  I’d never heard of such a thing and didn’t know how to cope with it.  There was such intimacy of mind and feeling that we were reading each other, the language of our bodies, our hearts and minds.  Very soon I’d be seeing through his eyes and perhaps he would taste what I did, smell what I did.  We were merging, two bodies but one experience. 

I tried to shield, to keep some part of me out of that sharing, from instinct and habit.  A man can’t watch himself every moment of the day and sometimes it just happened, when I was tired or fed up with being whatever it was I was supposed to be.  The Jedi Master, untouched, untouchable, without baser emotions.  He’d been left somewhere behind, on another world. 

After we’d both eaten I cleaned the campsite and washed my hands before settling down near the fire to try and de-knot my hair.  He watched me wince and mutter at each tangle, then grinned and reached inside his sleeve to pull out a wooden wide-toothed comb. 

“I made this today while I was waiting for game.  Thought it might be useful.” 

“You’re a very clever Padawn,” I said, holding out my hand.  He shook his head and slid over to sit behind me. 

“If I made it, I need to test it out.  With your permission of course.” 

Of course.  Such a good idea.  Just sit there behind me, where I can sense the warmth of your body and your breath on my skin!  But my jaws clamped shut and I said nothing as he stretched his legs on either side of me, not quite touching. 

I did manage to say something meaningless.  “Start at the bottom, work the lower knots out first.  Otherwise you’ll comb knots into knots.” 

“I know.  I’ve watched you doing your hair a long time, you know.”  He took the hair in his hand and ran the comb through it, pulling gently at the tangles.  “I’m glad you decided not to cut it off.  I can’t imagine you with short hair.  Did you start growing it when you were first knighted?” 

“Not straight away.  I think I grew some stubbornness in my thirties when Yoda began disagreeing with just about everything I did.  Long hair was a statement of sorts, I suppose.” 

I can’t recall anyone else combing my hair.  I suppose it had been done when I was a child but it never made a lasting memory.  I closed my eyes and let my head drop back as he swept the comb from my scalp down the length in slow

careful strokes.  He ran the comb around the side of my face, gathering up the loose flyaway pieces, then slipped it underneath and combed upwards.  It was so blissfully good that I almost fell asleep.  He stopped after a while and began massaging my scalp, working his fingers around to the back of my head and down to my neck and shoulders. 

:…Obi-Wan…: 

:  let me love you…: 

I opened my eyes as he pulled my tunic away from my shoulders and his mouth touched the warm skin under my hair.  There was none of the urgent need I’d felt before from him.  What came to me was a shadow of my own affection.  He was telling me he loved me with each touch.  But I had to know, to be certain. 

“How long – was it me, are you just getting this from me?” 

He rested his face against my shoulder, wrapped me in his arms, enfolded me with his affection.  “No, I always have.  Hid it when I was young because I thought it was wrong.  Hid it when I was older because I thought you wouldn’t  or couldn’t return it and I knew it was wrong, too.  When this happened it was as if that feeling had been used against me, against you, like a perversion.  Now I know how you feel, I can let it out.  Can’t I?” 

No, you can’t.  No, all the rules say no.  No, the Council will disavow me, call me beast, strip me of my rank and cast me out.  Reprimand you, force us apart.  Punish us. 

He sensed all that of course.  “Then they’ll lose two Jedi.  If you go, I go.  Wherever, forever.” 

It was like a vow.  To reject him was unacceptable.  How can you refuse to be touched by the other part of your soul? 

I certainly couldn’t any longer.  He pulled the tunic from me, pressed me back and stretched on top of me, fingers untidying the hair he’d so carefully combed.  I finally got to taste that moustache as he kissed me.  In between the kisses and the roving hands I managed to divest him of his own clothing and then he travelled down my chest, nuzzling and tasting my skin. 

:…you smell like summer.  You taste like living things…life…earth…so good…: 

He nudged one nipple with his tongue, rubbed against it and I twitched at the feel of his beard on that suddenly sensitive skin.  Sliding sideways he continued to descend. Slipped the tip of his tongue into my navel, over the swell of my stomach. 

I think I swore, some particularly foul word I’d heard somewhere, and it made him smile even as his mouth wrapped around my penis in a hot, sucking grip.  I fisted the ground, shivered, lost to reason at the sight of him, the feel of him. 

:…you’ve…done this…before…: 

:…hmm…some…not this good…: 

I’d never experienced an erection that fast before – the first touch of his teeth and tongue and I practically pushed myself through the roof of his mouth.  He looked up at me, his eyes slitted with pleasure and he didn’t need to speak or think anything. 

I rolled over, grabbed the little bowl of soaproot, scooped out a handful of the soft paste and rubbed it over my palms and fingers.  As I turned Obi-Wan climbed to his hands and knees and I smeared the past over myself and over him, working a slick finger inside him, panting in my haste and arousal. 

He wriggled at the penetration and I soothed him, massaged the big muscles of his buttocks, sent comfort and love to him.  I felt him relax against me and when the moment was right I pushed myself very gently inside him. It was extraordinary.  Tight and hot, the pressure around me was glorious and I surged forward, sliding into him, shielding him from any pain, serving my own pleasure back to him in a wash of mutual pleasure.  When it finally came, the orgasm sucked us both up into it like some slow electric shock that hit one nerve at a time in rippling sparks of sensation. 

At the same time I was inside his mind, deep inside, under the layers of personality and thought, down where instinct dwells, ideas were bred, dreams were born.  I learned everything about him.  He learned all about me.  We would never be able to lie to each other, never misunderstand each other and hurt to one would be hurt to both.  Wherever I was, he would be there. 

No, the Council wouldn’t approve.  The death of one would be the death of both, neither mind could survive the rending of that deeply set link.  As I lay with my head on his chest, with our arms and legs locked around each other in complete satisfaction, I really couldn’t have cared less.

 

It was a strange looking pair of Jedi who, some ten days later, walked into the small forest town at the edge of the great central lake.  Our clothing was tattered and stained, our skin burned gold and brown but we were fit and surprisingly healthy for all that.  The small population of frontier folk were very surprised to see us and they sent off a message to the capital on their only communicator after sitting us down for the first real meal we’d had in two weeks. 

Half a day later we were back where everything had begun.  The cause of our problem had left and no search ever managed to find him.  I wondered if he’d gained anything from his research.  He’d certainly made great changes in our lives and, all in all, I didn’t know whether to curse or thank him. 

The main ordeal lay ahead.  Our transport had returned to Coruscant and reported on our disappearance and another ship was despatched with a small party of Jedi aboard to investigate.  We travelled back home with them, telling them nothing.  The only ones we needed to explain anything to waited for us in that room at the top of the Council Spire. 

I watched Obi-Wan pacing back and forth across the small anteroom.  I didn’t need to ask him anything – he was nervous, anxious and a little scared. 

:…Calm.  It won’t help our cause if you appear agitated…: 

He stopped and expelled his frustration in a large breath. 

“We’ve been waiting here for most of the morning.  Is this deliberate?” 

I knew my fellow Masters well.  :…Of course it is…:  I stood and walked over to him, automatically straightened a tuck in his sash and smoothed the line of his outer tunic.  He watched me, a smile growing under the beard he’d chosen to keep.  

:…Thank you Master…: 

“There, now you look perfect.”  :…and I doubt I’ll be anyone’s Master after today…: 

One eyebrow twitched up.  “They wouldn’t dare!” 

I gave a snort of laughter.  :   This is the Jedi Council.  They answer to no-one in matters pertaining to the Order…:  As I stepped back the doors swung open in a silent glide and I turned, took a steadying breath.   :…Here goes…: 

We moved forward together into the Chamber and stopped in the centre of the room.  I was surprised to note that only part of the Council was present – Mace, Yoda, Yarael Poof and Depa Billaba.  We bowed in unison to the assembled Masters and Mace spoke first. 

“Welcome home, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan.  First, let me say how pleased we all are that you have returned unharmed.  We thought you both lost.  While we’ve read your report, there are some important items to be discussed…” 

My report had been a classic understatement.  The facts, the dates, the people, the events.  And while I hadn’t come out and said we’d both screwed each other senseless, I imagine the bones of it had come through. 

“What particular area did you wish clarified, Mace?” 

Yoda’s gimer stick tapped the floor impatiently.  “Know you well what we wish to hear of, Qui-Gon.  Shamed I may well be of a Jedi I taught.” 

Typical Yoda, straight to the point.  I laid one hand on Obi-Wan’s arm, restraining the urge I sensed in him before he acted on it.  

“Very well, Master.  Yes, Obi-Wan and I have had sexual intercourse, fairly frequently, over the last two weeks.  No, not all of it was done due to outside interference.”  The other members muttered and I felt their agitation but my concentration was split between Obi-Wan and Yoda. 

I watched the bright old eyes harden and saw my fate there.  “Know you the way of the Jedi, Qui-Gon.  One of our most sacred this is, that a Master may not deal so with his or her apprentice.” 

I bowed my head briefly.  “It’s a very worthwhile law, Master, and one I have always agreed with.  It is there to protect the innocent from harm.  There is no harm here and no darkness.  There is love and a very deep commitment.  It is not a path either of us planned on but we walk it now and we cannot change what has happened.” 

Mace sighed and sat back in his seat.  “Qui-Gon, this is very serious.  Even if we agreed that there was no harm intended, how can we allow this to go unpunished?  What sort of message would that give to the Order, to those that come after us?  That the rules are for some and not for others?” 

I shook my head.  “An impasse then.  You must punish, it seems – but if you try to separate us, you will probably kill us both.  I don’t believe the Order encourages murder of its members.” 

Yoda was watching Obi-Wan with a deep, searching gaze.  “Padawan Kenobi.  What do you say of this?” 

“I say, Master Yoda, that I love Qui-Gon, that I would die for him, that he is the finest man and the greatest Jedi of all.  I say that if you cast him out  then you cast out the best of you.  You also cast me out, for I cannot say here if he goes.” 

I was proud of his calm, his courage, his simple truth told simply.  Yoda nodded slowly. 

“Yes, loyalty is a fine thing.  Love is also respected when it is true.  Never would I fault it where it is so faithfully avowed.  Yet some things must stand.  We are set between those we protect and the Dark.  Maintained our Order must be.” 

And in that moment I sensed what Yoda was trying to tell me, to ask me.  Go, go willingly, go without wounding the Jedi, go with grace.  Over fifty years of duty coalesced in that moment. 

I stepped forward and went to one knee in front of Yoda.  I spoke to him softly, humbly.  “Grant me one last gift, Master.  Make my final Padawan a Knight.” 

I’ll give him this: he didn’t hesitate.  His eyes judged the response of the others, then nodded and turned to Mace.  Windu stood and pulled a small pair of scissors from his robe pocket. 

“By decision of the chosen executive in emergency session, Padawan Learner Obi-Wan Kenobi is granted Knighthood on the basis of a life of excellent service.  Congratulations, Obi-Wan.”  

He handed me the scissors and I stood, turned toward Obi-Wan, aware of the flush of pleasure rippling through him.  I took his braid in my left hand and measured the scissors on it against his hairline, then cut it cleanly apart.  Handing the scissors back to Mace, I took Obi-Wan’s face in my hands and kissed his forehead.  He looked down at the braid in his hand, then up at me. 

“So I made it after all.  I didn’t think I would.  Thank you, Ma….Qui-Gon.” 

“You’re very welcome.”  I turned back to Yoda and slipped my lightsaber from my belt.  Opening the panel I removed the crystal from its bracket and held it in the palm of my hand.  For many years it had shimmered at the heart of my sabre, perfect and enduring.  I closed my eyes, closed my fist and crushed it. 

“You taught me how to make it,” I whispered, looking down into Yoda’s sad, grateful eyes. “and how to use it for the good of others.  I would never harm you or the Order that raised me and became my family.”  I laid the useless casing on the floor and stepped back, tucking my arms into my robe, feeling strangely empty.  “I could never wish for a finer life than the one I have led as  Jedi.  If you ever have need of me, call me and I will come.” 

I watched Obi-Wan shatter the pale blue stone and hand it to me.  They were sad to lose us both, I could sense that – but they were relieved as well.  That hurt, until I remembered that Council members were more political than other Jedi.  I’d relieved them of a hairy problem that could have turned very nasty. 

It was a strange feeling to walk out of that room and know I’d probably never see it – or them – again.  I would have been very lonely if not for Obi-Wan.  I watched him as he came to stand beside me in the corridor, a glowing flame in the living Force, pure and strong.  Such a Master he would have been, such a teacher.  But the Future flows as it must, in spite of what would seem to be a logical progression gone wrong. 

As we waited for an elevator to take us away I sensed his sudden burst of enthusiasm. 

:…What are going to do now…where do we go…?: 

Outside the window at the end of the corridor, the Coruscant sky was a blaze of stars. 

:…pick one.  I’ll take you there…: 

He laughed and threw his arms around me, ignoring the shocked sounds from passing Jedi. 

“There’s this world called Selissia I heard of once, where the sky is green and dragons with golden eyes live in mountains whose tops are so high they breach space.  I’ve always dreamed of going there.” 

I would spend the rest of my life trying to make his dreams come true.


End file.
